she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
