Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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