is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
