Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
