Operation Purity has been aborted
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
