what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
