I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
