Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
