dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Farmville is her only friend.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
