Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
