I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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