woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
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