Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
