Sponge bath it is.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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