This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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