nut hugger
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
