i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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