Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
