talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
