She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
