We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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