Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
