I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
