You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
