So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
