a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
