I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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