I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
