Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
