he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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