This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
