when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
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There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
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Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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