is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
