My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
