Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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