I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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