Apparently you make a good broom.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
