New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
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Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
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But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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