I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
