Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
