After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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