Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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