Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
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First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
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I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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