Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
