a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
