And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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