it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
