im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize