sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Randomize
