walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
