No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
