OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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