I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
