If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
