Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
