I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
