I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
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