So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
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