dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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