I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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