I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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