My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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