wrigley field is MILF paradise
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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