1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
