I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
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Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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