I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
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