We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
