every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
These tits shall not be calmed
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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