She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
