Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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